so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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