i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
