we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
