it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
