It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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