Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
