I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
You can't just leave with hair like that
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Pants are for mortals
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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