Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Operation Purity has been aborted
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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