none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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