Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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