My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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