i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
