I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
