I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
