so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
