I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
