Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
