this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
