Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
