I'm eating all of the evidence.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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