HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
