lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Couch. On fire.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
