Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
