there's paper in my vomit.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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