If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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