bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
You did what with his pubic hair?
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