How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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