the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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