you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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