You don't have asthma, your pregnant
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize
