I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I am available for nakedness
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
