how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
