Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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