my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Can I color on your dick again?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
