I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
