how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
