You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
