And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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