I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
