we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
