my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
