I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
