At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
