hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
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