He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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