Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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