The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
