Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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