Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
