the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
