It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
