once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize