So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
