i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
