We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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