Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
