A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
