Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize