Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
