i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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