just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
