The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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