we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
