The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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