So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
