Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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