What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
